Thursday, June 15, 2006

i'm not fat, i'm American.

before i was skinny for my height. now that i'm older my metabolism is slowing down and i'm at a normal weight for my height. i don't think i'm terminally corpulent because i've put on this weight in the last year. however i may be. i should go try to eat as many hotdogs as i can at an oakland A's game....4 of them...in a row. in the same week. as well as drink copious amounts of beer to test this hypothesis.

exercise is key. the key to eating more. because it uses energy and energy is bad. at least that's what i learned from seeing all those kate moss advertisements. alas, so depressing.

i'm not a big chocolate fan but homemade butterscotch is delicious. and easy to make. a bit expensive but twice as sweet. it'll rot your teeff in no time. you'll be parking dentures at night before you know it.

Dentures don't work for thin people. For some reason, a toothless fat person is more awesome than a toothless thin person. I guess it's because i think the fat person enjoyed the process of losing all his teeth. I mean at least he ate well. Whereas the thin person you just feel bad for because he's probably a jack-off and got whacked in the face with a lead pipe. I mean shit like that happens all the time...happened to my mom. Well, only if you disregard that she was drunk and high when she fell down the stairs and landed on a pipe she thought would be a good idea to put there. There's a lesson for ya, you fat bastards: don't do drugs.

now i can write off the expense of this blog as a public service announcement. thank god for accountants.

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